This girl is more easily done than said...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Randomize
