She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
