gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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