About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
