You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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