My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
