I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
