oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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