I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
