i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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