I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
