I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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