We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
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Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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