dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
