I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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