Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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