I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
