Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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