I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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