I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
