Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
