Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We named our party play list daddy issues
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
