the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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