I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
