my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
