Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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