its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
