Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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