Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
