I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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