The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
