I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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