I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you win again, gameday.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
