god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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