Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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