I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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