you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
