i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
