I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
