I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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