Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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