I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's rum buckets o'clock
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
