he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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