Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
