"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
