guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
