Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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