Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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