Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
