i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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