6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
