why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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