just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My dick has a subreddit
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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