Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
