shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
