you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Every concussion has its silver lining
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
