I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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