Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
