Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
