the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
