Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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