Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We are two peas in an std pod
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
