I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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