i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
