and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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