Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
