The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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