She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
