i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
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Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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