ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
