and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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