I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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