Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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