just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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