the new term for farting is butt boxing.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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