woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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