He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
as a side note pls kill me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
