Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
