I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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