she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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