i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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