4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
