it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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